Persuasive Writing Why We Should Fix Our Field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing. Here is my piece of writing about why we should fix our field. 

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Fix Our Field
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I truly believe that we need to fix our whīra(field)The whīra(field)is a big part of our school and we all enjoy the activities that we play on it, if the whīra(field)  is not fixed it will always be muddy and boggy, when the whīra(field) is out then some of the P.E equipment is not being used and goes to waste, and we need the field to do hākinakina(sport) trainings. For these reasons we need the whīra(field)  fixed.
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	Firstly, the whīra(field) is a big part of our school and we need it to play games and do activities. Games and activities keep us fit and it is important to keep fit.
	Secondly, if the whīra(field) is not fixed we will not be able to play on the playground and basketball court because they are too crowded .  With everyone together it is more likely for people to get injured.
	Thirdly, if the whīra(field) is out then some of the P.E equipment is not being played with and it means it is a wastes of money. The equipment helps our skills get better.
	Finally, we need the whīra(field) to do specific hākinakina(sport) trainings for tournaments like soccer tournaments, touch and rippa rugby tournaments. To do well in tournaments we need to practise and without the whīra(field) there is no place to practise.
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In Conclusion we need to fix the whīra(field) because we need to play games and activities, it would be too crowded to play on the playground and basketball courts, P.E equipment is going to waste, we need to do specific hākinakina (sport)  trainings for tournaments. For these reasons I strongly believe we need the whīra(field).